.Sunday, April 02, 2006.
if you managed to dig up this site; you're lucky. im actually in hiding. im blogging for myself to see. i dont want others to know what im thinking..
sigh.
its been a while.. (:
sometimes i have to do this. i have no choice. when someone starts to like me; as in, MORE den friends.. i have no choice. i got to do something.
im doing it to joel now. i can feel his pain. I WANT TO STOP WHAT IM DOING BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE! I GOT TO MAKE HIM HATE ME. I GOT TO CHANGE THE WAY HE FEEL ABOUT ME. if i dont... years down the road i still got to tell him i dont feel anything towards him. and.. he will feel more hurt. feel more suffering.. i dont know what im doing. but i dont want him to feel more hurt. i dont want it to happen.
like how i did another method to tell kai.. i made a mistake. i just told him just like that. AND HE WAS SUDDENLY.. HURT. I DONT want it to happen to joel. i did the slower method. i dont want to tell him. i want him to hate me instead. i hope it works. im nt sure.
by doing this; im i hurting ppl? YEAS! i am!! but.. im hurting myself also. i dont know. im hurting at the sight of ppl hurting for me. i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!! i must act vicious. i must act as if im a bad gal hu dumps ppl. so that no one will like me. i wan every1 to hate me. i want every1 to.. like me as a frien. a true friend lik wad kor is treating me. i like him. at least.. i love him as a friend; and he too loves me as a friend.
NOT MORE DEN THAT. cos we both noe that; we each like another person.. and so we are just friends. thats what i want. thats all i want.
sorry if i hurt any of you. i just dont want to hurt you all further. please hate me. hate me forever.
`cyn
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when i say iloveyou its the truth. always the truth.
