just now.. woke up? kinda late.. cos ysterday slept at 2AM.. den coloured my drawing on photoshop la. boring..
den my parents rush me go hospital. siao de.. dun allow my bathe. lol. but i bathed la. my sisters ee... so unhygenic. lol.
the election for PAP and the workers party is like; kinda big. i saw the two great faces all along the road. i cant wait to see who win the election!!.. kekeke.
went to mommy the private clinic 1st.. she got injection. scary..
den after that went home; took my mp3 den hop back to the car.. went to kk hospital. my father gt some gene warp or smth. its lik a kinda disease.. BLOOD TEST. EEK.
they took out so much BLOOD frm me!!!!!!!!!11
AIYO. zzzz.. i hope all of us dont have dis disorder la. but if.. IF god have to make one have dis disease; i rather be the one who have it. i dont want my sisters to suffer..
just now slept at 3.. den woke up at 6 leh. i tot i slept 15 hours straight. LOL.. but i slept 3 hours nia. kekeke. scare me to death leh.
but suddenly i sort of felt.. lucky. to have him3//. i felt.. really lucky.
|

kekke.. forgot to write about ysterday la.
gt maths after sch la. den we 10 2c gals all went out.. den brought back tons and tons and TONS of sweets and snacks!! kekeke.
den have maths party in class!! LOL. den eat monster sweet until our class's the mouths all in colours.. suresh looked disgusted whn fendy go to him den smile evilly (with red teeth la. LOL);;.. den eat d sour sweets.. so sour.. @_@...
after everything also got PIZZA!!! LOL. kekeke..
den walked home halfway with him.. very shy.. :X.. den stopped him halfway.. den walked the rest of the journey alone.. very dark..
went home den saw my mom.. she noes about the suicide cutting marks on my hand. she tot is i cut cos of HER. BLEAH!!; but i said sorry la. den she apologise to me oso. she lost her job; SOB..

today? boring old class again.. after sch was raining!! :X.. saw lighting so many times.. i hate dem.. my hp the whole of class i was trying to mend it. the screen was; all black. i scared is spoil leh!! lucky i went home den stupidly charged my phone.. and tahdah; its mended!! kekeke. lol i noe im lame.
i really wan a new phone leh. my current one lik shit.
oh well.
|

my mom hates me..
wel.. cos of that i tried cutting again; oh wel..

but rach helped me la.. she managed to persuade me to say sry.. i did; and tahdah; my mom was so happy..
oh yea.. she lost her job. IM SO SAD!!!

jamie helping me to tell him3.. i dunoe la. i feel so guilty trying to hurt him more and more everyday.

i cant forget him.. even when.. im walking wif him3.. sigh.
life is this bad.

god; have you seen it?
i think you had.
|

kekeke.. tk band won gold!! WHEEE.. our 4hours dere not wasted huh. if dey didnt get ny prize at all.. den my face will be all black. lol.
met the rest with rach at 2.. den ate lo. =X.. saw the rest of the boys.. den jamie yushan joan rach and cheryl started making some werid logo about me and.. u noe.. den dey got everyone to take a photo of the logo.. @_@..
went dere la. met the rest of the gals; gt a HUGE bag of titbits.. den ran up the bus. lol.. wenxin got stitures.. cant run. but she force herself to. aiyo.. the boys chiong 4 wad.. dun care about wenxin de. -.-".. bunch of monkeys..
went to stadium.. den say fendy dey all. lol.. fendy at 1st say he lost de. kekeke.
the whole 1st part was; urg. nth de. den waited sooooooo long. omg.. thristy lik siao. and so hot!! sweating all over. i sat next to.. him.. i really wont mind; if he actually held me or smth. i dont mind.. later on we were lik; SUPER thristy den decided to buy drinks.. asked kai to help us. den fendy saw kai carry the PILES OF CANS deen didnt help de. so selfish -.-.. den tk was lik.. great. WE GOT GOLD IN THE END. SO HAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..
aiyo. the road was lik; so JAMMED, rach mom had a hard time going out of the road. we saw a bus (JUST behind us) dat went up the curb.it was lik; omg. so many ppl screamed; and de bus almost hit rach's car. its lik toppling. lol.. den we quickly drove away den rach's mom accidentally went into a dead end.. aiyo. after dat she droped me at seven11 den i ran home la. not really wet.. my sisters were lik; ANGRY wif me. no reason de lo!! SOB!!!!!!!111..
azri is a very sweet guy. he could.. read my mind.
`cyn
|

ysterday ar.. dunoe la. sean was lik; he and tim broke the class window. so scary.. i was lik; i was a metre away from the window leh!!! (HEART ATTACK!!!) lol. actualy got phy one i went to pon with alot of others den went to parkway with wyn jamie yushan n rachie. intended to check rach's ear.. den de person wasnt dere.. so we ate lunch den walked around.. very boring de. after dat went home lo. got my earsticks and mother's day prezzie (:.. nt much de.
later on nid to go to kallang stadium ^___^.. my mom going LEH! die!!!..
|

wednesday!! ^_____^//:
been waitin 4 dis day yesterday..
morning was; bleah.
maths: bleah. equations again. -.-
chinese: did the blue book. for 2 periods.. she crap all the way. waste alot of time.
sci was.. okay.. scribbled like siao on a paper cos so sian nth to do.. keep thinkin about wad will happen after sch; him; and thinking of him(no.2).. we did theory and stuff la. de last part was the part dat the se2C perverted boys enjoy the most: -.-"".. u can guess wad bio topic was it la. sick lo. zzzzzzz.. ms ang got bullied by the class boys until she cant tolerate it anymore, "one more noise,i'll throw the marker at u and pour the ink down yur throat!" omg.
den bio is over. me and jamie was; rejoicing. lol.
english.. compo got 16/30. sian la..
assembly was; ipw again. zzzzz.. did poems la. rachel PRO at lit; 5 min compose a full poem. siao de.. pro lo.
after dat was drizzling la. but i went home.. den nth to do check my mails den went out again. 20min walk to payalebar (not bad huh.), took mrt (SO LONELY!!) to cityhall, den aiya. i tot i was lost lo. i tot i went to the wrong train. LOL.. den i was lik; if braddel mrt is not said out this time round; OUT. im going home. lol.. den aiya; true lo. braddel mrt was next den i hop out of the mrt; meet anne at mrt. i was lik; omg, wheres every1. den anne was lik; "hu r u? den i was; oh. cyn." den she lend me to mac; saw ben n yuki. ben was lik; playing warcraft with his labtop. lol.. den ya la. we went out den intended to take a taxi; but didnt la. called yenfeng den walked down the street. he was lik "look DOWN." down?? ar? den we the 3min walk was like; staring at the ground. lol. but we made it to sph la. den we went in; AIR CON!! lol. sian de la. omg i look retarded in the pics. -.-" den papa was lik; SCREAM at the phone. anne was beside me; she was,"omg, was dat on speaker?" i was, "oh. no. its not." den her expression on her face, super shocked. lol. den edited the pics la. bored.. den mom n papa come to fetch me. i tot dey angry with me; but they arent. dey are so kind parents!! lol.

alot of hw to do sia.
zzzzz...
X3..

xoxo`cyn
|

mondays//::... den tuesdays.
BORING!!..
tmr going out meet ben anne yuki dey all!! cant wait!
|

its finally sunday!!
jesus has risen! so happy! ^_____^..
see tv again lo. sian de.
den i think 大长今 i watch until 10 episodes more den no more.. :X..
HOMEWORK-- I LOST DEM ALL@!!! tmr i'll die!! T.T...
:X.. nth much la. i decidin to change the blogskin of my old blog, here..// sian.

`cyn

life is unfair. even in the tv shows i watched also say de same thing.
|

:X kinda bored today.
cos; as i said; my parents went to malaysia yasterday..
brought back so many movies to watch.
so, ya la, watch until so SIAN!! :X..
round 6 dere, dere was a wave of smses coming in, reply until hand pain ~.~
sian de la.
nth to do. very hungry now. X____x.. wheres dinner??
cant wait 4 tmr.. easter sunday!! ^_____^ jesus will rise again~~..

i cant stop.. thinking about him.
|

its good friday.. :'/

morning qurreled wif my sisters. my smaller sis smacked me; i smacked her back softly. and she cried. shes a good actor. really. so u see; deres no doubt i got a scolding and a whackin from my parents. its like; wth.. my sis smacked me harder den i did smack her; and den i didnt cry yet i got a beating. its lik; crying= ppl will believe u instead? its ridiculous. my sis even got a CHOPPER from the kitchen and almost used it to chop me up. i was lik, "chop me lo. i die early oso better." den my mom grabbed the chopper from my sis and whacked me again. UNFAIR LO. is SHE hu brought that blade over to me, not me hu brought it to kill her. den i got a beating. its living hell at home. i rather just.. die.

oh well; my parents went to malaysia.. at home reading comics and playing the computer until so sian. 4oclock liaoz.. the rain almost stopped. it was FLOODING outside!

as i promised; here is.. de photos we took yesterday after we gt the throphy!




|

omg its the best day in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!! :X

ysterday evening talked to daniel for a while.. must thank him.. he helped me and den i dun wan suicide anymore!!!! ^_____^ hes sweet..
and azri called me darling!! :X

today.. woke up late.. my mom was like "y u all always wake up late de ar? wake up!!".. XP.. we continue to sleep until super late den faster took a shower den ate (so full!!!) den walked to school.. walking to sch den talked about alot of crap wif my sis..
reach sch.. hve to do geog wb. lol.. copy until siao. after dat went assembly plaza..
den after dat have spcial activities period.. siao 1 la.. tell our class sit in two rows..so stuffy! @_____@.. i didnt touch de chinese ws we supposed to do..lol.
den was maths i guess.. den mdm goo say class test all ppl pass!!! whahahaa!!..
recess was doing of hwrk again. lol.
den was geog!! lmao.. learnt 2 chapters leh! :X...
den chem.. ^______^ lol me n jamie confused on all the formulaes and all. siao one. den mrs tey gave up on our class; den she sloooowly talked to our class. hit some sense into us. i think we stressed her up.
english. NO SPELLING.LOL!!! went thru de compre.. i very gd wor.. mark gerald's work until he get so high. ^______^.. den daniel he mark me until i realise i got 17/25. XO!!! so happy! @____@..
den was chinese.we learning about de new chapter. lol. den tcher talked about the electronic dictionary and how she dun wan ppl to use it. LOL!!.. i think she envy us la. she went to curse it. lol. den fendy n gerald dey purposely go argue wif her. jermain said dat if the dictionary drop into water den cant work liao. den mdm fong was lik "jermaine said right!! if the electronic dictionarty drop into water, everything is gone." den we said, "if the ORIGINAL dictionary drop into water, even worse." lol.. we argue until 1.30 den rushed out of class cos we participants for the 50 aniversary games. LOL.. mdm fong was like, "y? u so happy HOR?!!" to me. lol. i laughed den ran away. lolololol.. she cant do anything!! :X...
ate lunch wif rachiie.. den practiced throwing wif jamie n rach n gerald. den saw the sec1 match la. played wif fendy n felix also.. fendy throw the ball round me look as if he hugging me. -.-... den after dat we watched the 2c finals in VOLLEYBALL!. we........ we WON! WAHAHHAHAHHAHHA. dam haPPY. lololol. den we were congratulating joan yinglin n cheryl.. den its timeta play!! Lol.. i play WA in netball so lan.. grr. after dat cheryl took over.we.............. VS 2B.. we.. haiz. so sad. we in the end..

WON! lol..

den after dat we talked to mdm goo for a while. me n yushan den noe about de grading from mdm goo. we just nida win for the relay den everything win liao!! lol. give yushan n gerald stresss...
aiya. nth much lo. waited 1 hour for everything to end.. den relays start. we took loooooooooong time just to sort it out and let: joel, jamie, john, cheryl, gerald to go out to run. lol... PRESSURE!.. den i started to noe dat i gt this werid talent called.. SCREAMING. lol.. den screamed the whole way through. den we... sadly, we.. sadly we... haiz.

GOD WE WON!!! WAAWAHAHHAHAHHA!!! it was like; wHOA!! we won!!

lol. screamin n jumping for joy. lolol.. den cheered for our maam n sirs lo.. lol. den bought drink for gerald.. found out dat he n joel both gt cramp. ow.. :X.. luckily dey all looked fine after 10 minutes.. saw paul II (the original paul, nt the plant).. so happy. he looked more n more shuai everyday. lol. after dat was..

PRIZE GIVING. lol!!! it was fun. screamed so many times. den did kalang wave n crap. lol. den in the end.. we got..THE CHAMPION CLASS FOR LOWER SEC!!
!!!!!! thank godd!! so happy. lololol...
den saw the band. LOL so nice. TK RAWK!!!... den also.. gave out the medals.. den took a photo of the WHOLE CLASS; holding the trophy!! ^________^...
also took a photo of the gals; and the boys. and.. and den HES SO CUTE!!~~~ ^_____^..
de end. i came home after every1 went. rachie n jamie n yushan got to experience my super SCREAM!!! lololol... every1 turned to look at me. lol.. den malu i went home lo. lol.. now at home liao. so happy still.. lol..
later after get the pics i upload here hor!! ^_________^..

`cyn
i dunwan suicide anymore!!!

PS. i relly wana hug him!!!!!!
|

i want to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
sliting your wrist doesnt work anyway.
cut and cut and cut.. see blood but never die.

whenever i see him i really want to hug him but den its lik.. he doesnt like me anymore. so wad can i do..? nth.. nth at all.
somemore.. its like.. some1 else likes him.. maybe he likes her too. i dont noe. let him like her lo.. he doesnt like me anymore :(... life.. is really playing tricks on me. its like.. I LIKE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

zzz. its all over anyway.
stupid life. i can only cry over spilt milk.. i really wished.. it was..
it was still last year. all my troubles.. all wont come.
and den.. dat time.. everything was just like a fairytale. now..
its a nightmare. its living hell. i want to suicide.


yesterday night took all night trying to study. typed the geog textbook chapters for kor all in notepad cos he nv bring his textbook home. after seeing tv den snoozed off. sian lo. today morning woke up still so sleepy. x_______X

den went sch tried to revise la. maths was 1st. study curve lines until so sian. @______@... tried playing with yinglin's penknife again. her penknife not sharp so i gave up. sharper de nicer. ^______^.. den was chinese. mdm fong tied her hair in a bun omg.. den wear her skirt so HIGH.. XP.. jermaine laughed the whole class through.

den recess revised again la. revised bio with rachiee.. trying to put all the facts into my head den vomit everything out during the bio test.

bio test was hard. :/.. i got hold of.. rachiee's penknife!! wahaha.. hers is super sharp.. fun seeing the blood coming out of my wrist. and its nt pain. yinglin saw me sliting den told wenxin den dey all confiscate all penknifes in my range. :/...

english was boring again. stupid speech compo gave me a 16/30. sian.

assembly saw some ballet dancing thingy. lame de la. den everyone thinking sick. LOL..

GEOG TEST WAS EVEN MORE HARDER DEN BIO'S. SURE FAIL..

den went home..

talked to gsw.. hes sweet. (:.. but no; im still gona die. :X

i really want to cut until i die.
he doesnt like me anymore.
its lik.. something is pirecing in my heart and its so PAIN!!!!!!!! its like more hurting den cutting myself with those penknifes.

its hell.
`cyn
|

:X its kinda werid.
lol.. i felt kinda sad.. u noe..
some1 else likes him. haiz...
nvm ^____^.. give in to her ba.
cos he doesnt like me anymore anyway.

in class just now i went to take joan's penknife go cut myself. its kinda fun cutting. cept dat.. i intend to die de. den i didnt die. haiz..

me n fendy deicde to die together. kor will die after me. den every1 else. ^____^..
i dunoe la.



!HEARTBROKEN!
!sSUIiCiDexx!
cyn..
(heart without soul.XXXxx..**^
|

bleah. went home.. eyes glued to the computer again.. sigh. its excatly 6 now.
here goes; after lit was music. sian de la.
den character edu. next next week my turn for hear my say. better prepare! did the count how many hr per day we have to study.. 45min nia! aaaaaaaaaa.. sian. 45 minutes how to pass streaming. lol..
english did summary.. changed place with huimin O.O .. duno y she want to change place de. sigh..
den history.. azri went to sit next to me!!! :P.. jamie n huiwen keep teasing me de :(.. den later ms sri call out question fendy went to pick me. (grrr..) XP
den went home.. did some vocab copying..
searched some pic for art..
bleah.. chatted alot
played a bit of atc.. (and won a pro!!! so happy!!)

still got..
1. find de dumb pic. muimui sucks.
2. copy vocab FINISH. nida return fendy.
3. learn tingxie. if i dont oso nvm. i join justin in his tingxie failin expedition.
4. scan in the neoprints i took on saturday. (do dis LAST)
5. chat. lol...
6. forget about him; n care more about.. my bf.
7. design my sister's dream clothes for her. (sigh..)
8. FORGET HIM wth.
9. think of another plan.. for him(number2) to hate me.
10. sleep early. :X
`cyn..

PS. i sound bitchy and stupid and idiotic. i noe. i cant help it!!!!!!!!!!! im doing this.. all for everyone's sake. i dont want to hurt anyone anymore.
|

here la. im in class typing post. ^________^
lol i slacker. dunwan do my work.
wad kind of refugree thingy. do at home :X...
kekekeke.

i cant stop thinking about him!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!!!!!!!~~!~!!!!!!!!
|

he said..

he doesnt love me anymore.
he doesnt care.
he doesnt like me anymore..







i really.. want to die.
i want to die.
he.. doesnt like me anymore.
he doesnt.
he doesnt like me anymore.
|

ok here goes..
yestrday is saturday.. actually intendin to go out wif azri.. but dunwan la.
den went out wif jamie n rachel.. meet at bus stop.. jamie woke up late. overslept. lol.. den we went lik at 9.20.. den reach at kfc 10 dere.. den met yushan n soonhao dere.. den cheryl suddenly pop out ^_^.. den i drank some pepsi den went to the netball court.. we saw a group of malays dere.. den played a match with dem. played until sian den finally.. fendy comes!
:X.. den lame la. fendy come we go liao. kelian. den we ate lunch.. changed lik took 15min.. shared with rachie de bowl of noodles.. den fendy is lik killing mosqitoes and all.. den soonhao went out for a while.. fendy went to ransack his wallet. we admired his ezlink card photo. lol.. after dat went mrt station.. gt fendy de mrt card.. during de ride we were lik teasing fendy and talkin about my personal story :X.. den the ncc bois called.. den dey decided to all come to bugis. sian la. den reach bugis la.. walked around edge, den the neoprint shop.. den all the shops around it.. den have to wlk to mrt dere again to fetch de bois.. den after walking a bit den jamie me yushan rachie we sneak away. XP.. took neoprints.. den after dat nth to do liao den i went home.. den at home even more nth to do.. den i regretted going home so early. lol. bt bugis dere is like hell.. so uncomfortable.. den joel keep tracking me like.. siao. i dunoe. i dunwant him to track me. i dont want to him to hvae anything to do with me. i want him to hate me. azri looked great.. but den i dun dare to talk to him. ^____^.. jamie totally scared of jusitn. (later on whn she went home.. jusitn sat wif her home during de bus ride. shes totally angry wif him.).. den.. aiya nvm.
today.. plaed a bit.. den so sian.. chatted a lot.. met a new frien.. name terence turtle.. lol.. hes soem decendant from some purtugese pirate or smth. siao one. lol.
now doing hw.. hoping for him to talk to me.. :(.. but he doing art la. nvm. :/

i duno if azri said de fact dat mel dont lik me anymore is real or not. jamie say dat dere is 50% chance he bluff me; 50% fact. i think.. azri wwouldnt bluff me ba. so i decided to.. belive him.. i went to ask mel whether azri gt ask him anything or nt he reply 'i dunoe'. so im nt sure..
i want to die. :/

10 wishes n to dos i nida try to finish up.
1. i want joel to forget me
2. i want him back!!!
3. dunwan to hurt azri :/..
4. die early. but i dun dare.
5. find out de reason y he has to tell every1 about me n azri :/..
6. i want to tell him i love him. but dis is like.. 1% out of 100% i would do it la.
7. do my hw finish.
8. get champs in dis week's netball!! defeat 2b..
9. learn tingxie.
10.. bleah.

`cyn
|

i love him.

and i really do.
even if he dun like me anymore.
even if he forgets me.
i still will
love him
forever.
.;.;.;.;.;.;.;...

sch is boring o' sch again.
bfore npcc lets nt tok bout it.
npcc: campcraft den muster parade nia!! go out at 5 X___x
dengt dis parents nite thingy. lame de lo.
my mom intended to go; but i dont feel like.. den after she INSISTed, i decided to folo her lo.. sms and call her so many times. LOL..
den after dat she wan me lead her to sch.. have to bring her from BUS stop dere all the way in lo. lol..
den after dat; SMS. lmao. my father sms me. lololol.. he supposed to nt noe anything about dis lo. and guess wad, he sms say "I WANT TO GO TOO!! WHERE ARE U!!" XP.. lol..
after dat he really came lo. lmao. den he took so long to find my mommy and sit wif her. lol. after dat dey tok to ms nani den the queue so long dey all give up waiting n went home. lol.
hes home again.. azri said.. he doesnt like me anymore.
oh well..
sigh.





i will still love you. no matter what.
i dont care.
i dont care if you dont like me
i dont care if you hate me
i will.. forever love you.

forever.
|

i feel.. like dying..

i noe very well..
i noe very well he desnt like me..
why do i still like him..

i noe very well..
that i love him.
i love him so much but he's nt there for me anymore.
not there.
forever nt there anymore.
..........................

i dunoe..
i mean; azri nt bad.. i like him.. but den.. i dont love him leh.
and den.. i accepted him..
and this..

and i noe very well..
he likes me.. but..
i dunoe if i like him..
why am i bringing misery to myself..
why am i bringing misery to him..?

is not going to be just a game anymore.
its gona be for real.
real..
.....................

and i think.. hes hurt.. recess time i look at him..
i dont knoe.. the way he act..
hes also very sad..

has he heard bout me and az?
i dunoe..
i still.. like him..
i still love him..
but theres something in the middle of both of us..

i think..
we wont be together anymore.
i want him.
i like him.
i love him.
|

wads happening to me?
i dunoe..
anne and ilu comforting me.. dey very sweet.. :)
anne says that hes (intentionally) trying to hurt me. i dunoe.. maybe.. den she told me nt to give in.. maybe shes right; if i look at dis direction.
or maybe; he doesnt like me anymore?

wads happenin to me anyway.
am i.. suffering from
depression?
or is it that im too over anxious or smth.
jamie reckon im thinking too much. maybe..
or maybe that im just jealous over nth.

oh well.. i dunoe la. i want to forget. i want to..
.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

today? went sch in a daze.. jas also.. both of us in daze. @___@..
our lit period changed to eng. did spelling (3 wrong X____X) den crap about other stuff..
den PE.. did shuttle run. we 1st have to run round tech block.. me n joan turned to be 1st! XP.. beat the netballers. lol. den was shuttle run.. after running wif jamie; den joined soonhao n gerald n fendy dey all play netball.. but no court to play den end up playing some werid game of throwing.. mr singh bcome empire. XP..
den was maths after dat.. graphs again. ZZZ..
recess. nth.. learnt tingxie lik siao. X=..
den was chinese. NO SPELLING LOL!!! she gave us free 2 days more. LOLOLOL.. i didnt listen to tcher for whole lesson. was drawing dis picture of an angel..
english.. crapping again..
art. muimui nt here. valerie have to take over. sian la.
maths ws.. did mock exam paper. rachel n i did together.. den after bell ring we rushed down to see the match. 1st match nt nice to see. den 2nd match nicer. we saw the potential final team. lol. den after 2nd match me n rachie went home..

home.. talked to anne n ilu for a while.. den played and ksed some noobs wif my pro friens in hhg.. den took a loooong nap. den woke up.. saw the sms.. i dunoe wad to do.. really.. my feelings are messed up.. o yea.. azri gave a a belated bdae prezzie yesterday.. very nice (: i really lik it.. den after see tv den do graph.. den nw typing blog..
::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

but den.. do i still liik him? whn i see him.. i still have dis feeling rushing to me.. but..

have i also fallen in love wif someone else?




its just.. like a mixed feeling.
im.. really very confused..
|

today.. hmm?
gt lessons.. monday again.
heck.
form tcher admin. sucks. $9 nida pay tmr.
sci. sucks more. gt a test.. nw new topic on electricity.
lit. dam boring.
recess oso so sian. did de journal thingy.. rachie gt some porridge on her book X___X..
den was music. learnt about chopin :(...
den was ce. joel's de tok okok.. kor's tok very nice.. about his dream XP..
den was english. SIAN de lo. XP
den history. 1st part ok. den last period SIAN LA. gt this crap tcher think she so gr8.. crap la.

den go home.. play, sleep, cry, see tv... nth much :)
actually.. look at the bright side. im doing everything.. to stop all the suffering. stop everything. stop every single.. suffering.
`cyn
|

dream.
whats it anyway.



its life.



its MY life.




its a nightmare.




its just a dream..

i want to die. why am i still liking him anyway. everyone hates him. everyone tell me to forget him. even kairong hu in msn i meet de.. everyone is forcing me.. everyone.. i dunoe. i cant forget him. i dunoe. i cant. i cant control my feelings.. i cant control my memories..

maybe i want to be like sakura.. but instead of getting her memories back; i rather just stay lik dat. rmber nth.

nothing at all.






my heart.. aches.
|

if you managed to dig up this site; you're lucky. im actually in hiding. im blogging for myself to see. i dont want others to know what im thinking..

sigh.
its been a while.. (:
sometimes i have to do this. i have no choice. when someone starts to like me; as in, MORE den friends.. i have no choice. i got to do something.

im doing it to joel now. i can feel his pain. I WANT TO STOP WHAT IM DOING BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE! I GOT TO MAKE HIM HATE ME. I GOT TO CHANGE THE WAY HE FEEL ABOUT ME. if i dont... years down the road i still got to tell him i dont feel anything towards him. and.. he will feel more hurt. feel more suffering.. i dont know what im doing. but i dont want him to feel more hurt. i dont want it to happen.

like how i did another method to tell kai.. i made a mistake. i just told him just like that. AND HE WAS SUDDENLY.. HURT. I DONT want it to happen to joel. i did the slower method. i dont want to tell him. i want him to hate me instead. i hope it works. im nt sure.

by doing this; im i hurting ppl? YEAS! i am!! but.. im hurting myself also. i dont know. im hurting at the sight of ppl hurting for me. i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!! i must act vicious. i must act as if im a bad gal hu dumps ppl. so that no one will like me. i wan every1 to hate me. i want every1 to.. like me as a frien. a true friend lik wad kor is treating me. i like him. at least.. i love him as a friend; and he too loves me as a friend.

NOT MORE DEN THAT. cos we both noe that; we each like another person.. and so we are just friends. thats what i want. thats all i want.

sorry if i hurt any of you. i just dont want to hurt you all further. please hate me. hate me forever.

`cyn
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cynthia
nicknamedcynmoon. 25thmarch1992. aries. childofgod. oldblog. blogskinner. 1c05 2Cee06 teekay. ANTIschool. YELObelt. superSHORT. ohanian nowfeelingloved.
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mY wiShes

-updated 7/9/06.-
1. dont hurt him no more
2. make him truely smile
3. make him happy.

i just wan these 3 wishes.
please make them come true.

My TaLEs

April 2006
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